Samantha Joy O’Connor

 

Here is the newest addition to the O’Connor clan!

Service Master Disaster

Last Tuesday at work I received a phone call from our tenant “the toilet has overflowed, it’s really disgusting, I’m not sure what to do.” I then tried to get a hold of my plumber while dealing with 60 kids; after I tried a few times without success, I seemed to forget about the problem. I returned home to the smell and Nola telling me the tenant had emailed her, once again I was faced with the poo. I went downstairs to assess the damage. GROSSERS! Luckily my tenant is still paying rent but she has moved out of the apartment. I called the Drain Brain; they came with in 30 minutes, snaked the pipes, revealing a few tree roots in the system. I payed him $300 and sent him on his way.

The next morning I called another company to come clean up and disinfect the mess. They tell me they will be there “after lunch.” Finally at 3:00 they call and say they are arriving in 10 minutes. Allow me to set the scene. A yellow van with the company logo pulls in the driveway and a blue minivan (old and without a logo) arrives behind it and hangs out on the street. A man and a woman get out of the yellow van to start their work. The woman is wearing high heels and a skirt, which I found to be a bizzare way to dress to clean raw sewage, but, hey who am I to judge? They measure the space give me an estimate. I head back to work and they work on the problem at hand.

On Saturday I have a meeting with them to retrieve the fans that were drying the space and pay them for cleaning up. We had been up the whole night before ’cause my sister in law went into labor, my brother had a seizure while she was in labor, and Max would not sleep in his crib so we tentatively slept with him in the bed. The clean-up company people are there when I arrive, same scene as before with the yellow logo-ed van and a blue mini-van. At this point I realize that the blue mini-van is associated with the clean-up crew. I wonder why the driver is in his van watching them work? Who is he? What is he doing? The worker retrieves his fans and I ask him “How much do I owe you?” He hands me the bill for $738.00. I look at the bill and say “$738.00 ????????!!!!!!!!! Your estimate was $250.00.” He replies, “You have to talk to the guy in the van about that.” I storm over to the van to find this 500 pound man sitting in his van with a blanket covering him, an oxygen tank and smoking a cigar (later Nola told me that one of his pinky nails was painted pink?????). I ask him and he says there is drying time. I went totally ballistic, throwing my check book  and pen down, yelling, and stomping. I went inside to consult with trusted elders who said I didn’t have to pay him on the spot. Then I went back outside to yell at him some more. As I go out I see Nola talking to the guy, I come over and scream “$738.00!!!!!!”. She says “did we contact the insurance company?” This is apparently what he had suggested to her. This made me fly even more off the handle. This was confined to the bathroom and a corner of the rug, no need for insurance. “Oh, is this what your running,” I scream, “insurance fraud???” I told him I was not paying him a penny and to get off my property. Nola talks to him so more, “he wants to know if we will at least give him a deposit, he says you wouldn’t sign the contract?” “Uh, what contract??? He never gave me one to sign.” He also told her I was hard to get a hold of , wouldn’t return phone calls and was difficult to deal with. I  said I will pay him $300.00 but he is not getting another penny. I storm out write him and check and in the memo line I wrote PAID IN FULL!! I WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANY MORE MONEY. I ceremonisoly throw it in his fifthy van and yell “Get off my property!!!”

 My lawyer friend came over for a hike later that afternoon and said writing that in the memo line was excatly the right thing to do. If he cashes it, it’s all over.

Women Swimmin’ 2009

         Women Swimmin’ is on the horizon again. I am eagerly anticipating my third swim across Cayuga Lake as a benefit for Hospicare. In this amazing event, women of all ages, shapes, and sizes join forces to raise money for a much-needed resource in Tompkins County. Women Swimmin’ has warm community feel that explodes when you walk on to shore and see all the people gathered to celebrate and cheer on the swimmers. The feeling is unmatchable!

 

The pervious two years I have chosen three people to swim for. My first year I swam for my grandfather, Helen Garvey (a second grandmother to me), and Susan Pelfrey (my partner’s first spouse). Last year I swam in honor of my nephew and his new little life, in honor of my partner Gretchen’s successful battle with cancer, and to celebrate my brother’s apparent recovery from his seizure disorder. (Kevin ended up needing surgery in order to fully recover from the seizures; he had a successful surgery in June, is feeling great, and has an impressively gnarly scar to show off.) This year, I am choosing three more people to swim for: my grandmother (Wa), and two of my great aunts (Ethel and Laura).

My first honoree, Wa, is the head of my mother’s family; she is a cook extraordinaire and loves life. I was fortunate enough to grow up in my mom’s hometown with Wa and other members of my mom’s family. When I was sick as a kid, Wa always brought me a new book and read it with me and cuddled with me. I remember nights staying at her house were so cozy, with warm meals, hot bath and sugar cereal. She has been with me for every milestone in my life with a big smile and she has never once failed to cheer me on. There is a certain smell when I walk in her house that makes me feel the world is right; her blues eyes light up the room, and her smile and laugh are contagious. Wa is an amazing woman who remains very active: she volunteers for the service league, participates in an antique club and a woman’s club, and she travels all over the world. There are not many places in the world she has not been. She is has always there for my entire family, now including partners and her first great grandchild, whether she’s making a meal or providing an ear to listen or treating us to her famous apple sauce. In this day and age of families spread across the country (or world), I feel very lucky to have my family and especially my grandmother in one town. We can have Sunday dinners, catch up on a Friday night, or have lunch in the middle of the week. I have chosen to swim for Wa because she is a cornerstone of my life and I want to share my love for her with the world.

My Second Honoree is my great aunt Ethel Agnes Farrell. Ethel was my favorite person on earth when she was alive. She was born in 1900 and lived until October 1999. She was truly an awe-inspiring woman. She played in one of the first women’s basketball leagues and learned how to be a mechanic; she could use any power tool and built many things that I still use in my house today. Ethel lived an hour away when we were little. I would spend the night at her house on occasion without my parents. We would have grilled cheese for dinner, play double solitaire or Chinese checkers (she built the board) and eat ice cream. Ethel was and still continues to be a bright light in my life. She was around for many of my milestones and was always proud of me no matter what.

My third honoree is my great aunt Laura. She has lived in Columbus Ohio my whole life; I always though that was too far away (still do). We would drive to visit or she would arrive from Ohio in her Cadillac and she would laugh the whole time we were visiting. Aunt Laura is a fiery Italian woman. I could spend hours listening to her sing, laugh and tell stories. I have always tried to emulate her independence, kindness, caring and sense of fun. Her gardens are to die for, complete with a Zen garden in the back with a Buddha looking over her. She is an open-minded woman that loves to share food and her zest for life with people. Visits with Aunt Laura are never often enough and never long enough, and are always more fun that you anticipate.

All three of these women helped shape and mold me in the most positive ways. Women Swimmin’ is to help raise money for people to end their lives in the most peaceful way possible. These women represent peace, love, caring and safety to me. In choosing them to honor them, I hope to honor everything that Hospicare does for others in our community.

In order to make a donation for Women Swimmin’ you can go to their website  www.womenswimmin.org or mail a check to Women Swimmin care of Hospicare 172 E. King Rd. Ithaca N.Y. 14850. Thanks for helping make this another great event!

Blue Cheese and Olives

Having been married for almost 9 months and together for years, Nola and I have worked hard on compromise and listening to one another in order to say connected and avoid or solve fights that may arise. Recently, we were headed to a party where we needed to bring a dish to pass. I suggested a rhubarb tart, she wanted to make a quiche. I headed to my grandmother’s to visit and she headed off on a bike ride, we would meet up later and go to the party. I walked in to her shouting “I hate this recipe! you have to stir until your arm falls off!” I was shocked to come home to her yelling, this is not her normal way.  I responded by slamming the door and saying I was not going to the stupid party (this was a party I had been looking forward to for months). We were not listening or being fair.

We finally spent  sometime talking and she revealed that her bike tire was flat so she couldn’t ride and felt she had to make what I wanted because I suggested it more than once. We discussed that she can tell me to take a flying leap and that we would fix the bike so that she can go on a ride. She had missed out on something she loves to do.

This is on example of everyday life, compromise and living together. We take pride in the fact that we are good communicators and we are both willing to compromise for each other. We both also take pride in the fact that we both eat just about anything. With one exception for each of us I don’t like olives and Nola does not like blue cheese. When we were wine tasting a few weekends ago and found blue cheese stuffed olives we decide it was “compromise in a bottle”

Kevin’s Brain- in case you’re interested.

 

He has a little black eye, great color and is complaining of a headache.  He looked at me for about 15 seconds and said sorry I’m not paying attention and curled back up to go to sleep. Made me feel much better to see his eyes. Recovery will be slow, he seems to be doing great though.

My little brother post surgery

 

He is giving his wife a hard time, asking for a fan because he is hot and telling everybody to get out so he can sleep…. Long day with great results.

My-little-brother

My brother has been my built in best friend since the day he was born. The day he was brought him home from the hospital my great aunt Ethel gave me a little rocking chair she had redone for me, she though maybe I would be jealous of my parents bringing a new baby home. Legends has it that I stuffed the rocking chair in the closet andsaid I wanted to hold him.(sorry Ethel) We grew up best friends, surfing on the couch cushions, playing with legos, match box cars, playing on all the same sports teams, hours of badminton tournaments, cray fish hunting andpaling around, we still do.

                                                                                      

 

                                                                                                

He had what he called “the feeling”  from very early on and he needed a hug during and after the feeling was happening. We went to Montessori school partly so that he could find me when he was having “the feeling” and hug me. He was taken to doctors and psychologist throughout his childhood and we were told “the feeling” were anxiety attacks. He was given skills to deal with these attacks and life went on.

He also has a tendency towards obsessive-compulsivedisorder, along with his anxiety attacks anda  language of his own to describe how he was feeling. We would ride around in our 1970’s Pontiac that had only lap belts in the back. He would often look at my belt and if it was twisted in any way he would say “I’m nervous for you to fix that!”  If you really wanted to drive him nuts you could leave the drawers slightly openin the kitchen. He was “super nervous for that” (my dad would pull the drawers out right before he was gonna come home to drive him nuts). Any rugs with fringes had to be combed to perfection. Good thing we had a cleaning person to take care of that, I actually think she was hired to take care of his obsessions.

He has also been a daredevil extraordinaire his whole life and I have always been the very cautious one. When he was learning to ride a bike he took off as fast as he could down the street and I followed. He whipped out big time in some body’s yard,he was covered in blood and laying in their yard because he didn’t really know how to stop, yet. I tried to tell him this before he took off, he said he didn’t care.

He also did a lot of twirling. Two times around and then he would have to go two times back. This was a constant struggle. If he touched something he HAD to touch it again. We ended up in loosing him in New York City one time because he touched a bus stop and broke away from my mom’s hand because he “was nervous to touch it again”. This incident landed him in more psychologist appointments.

Meanwhile we were growing up. We were Bo and Luke Duke, played S.W.A.T watched WWF and the A-team, kicking the soccer ball in the back yard, as we got older shared secrets and were always sharing our lives. 

Later in life decided to live in a duplex, I was upstairs and he and Joy were downstairs. Our animals went in and out of each apartments and our lives were intertwined. While we were living there when his best friend passed away. Watching Kevin throughout Ronnie’s illness was heart breaking. He would often show up in my living room and talk for hours about Ronnie and how sick he was and how scared he was. The day Ronnie died he showed up in tears, tears I could not make go away. Throughout most of his life I have been able to help in some way, not this time. He was navigating new territory and I was along for the ride.

His girlfriend became one of my best friends and we supported each other through everything. One Christmas I receivedahysterical call form Joy “Carter is missing, I thought I tied him up…” (carter is their dog). As I drove over to help I found Joy walking down State Street andcrying, Kevin pacing by their house. I sent them both inside andpromptly foundCarter. We all went on a trip to Ireland. Kevin,  Joy and I split up from my parents for a while. I showed them where I had gone to school in Cork anddrove them to many of the places I had visited. Truth be known Kevin slept and Joy and I drove talked and hiked. We spent New Years Eve in Dublin, Joy and I were laughing, drinking and having fun Kevin was rolling his eyes at us and saying we needed to go back to the hotel. He said “we were out of control”

As we have both traveled through our lives, we have remained extremely close and helped each other through thick and thin.  About a year and half ago I was  supposed to chaperone’s a youth conference in Rochester. I was headed to meet and pick up the kids and Gretchen drove by my brother’s house as she was headed somewhere. She called and said “you need to meet me at your brother’s” I was annoyed and said I was on my way to pick up the kids. She tried to tell me in a few different ways to come without telling me there was an ambulance at Kevin’s house. I was not listening. Then she said ambulance and I raced to his house, left my car running in the middle of the road and went sprinting into the house. Joy was 5 or so months pregnant at that point all that I was thinking was “something is wrong with thatbaby”. I ran in to find police and ambulance people. I couldn’t find Kevin or Joy. I was in complete panic. I was told Kevin had a  seizure andthey were taking him to the hospital. I finally found Joy she melted into a puddle in my arms.  He was belligerent and not cooperating and giving dirty looks to everyone. As they brought him past on the stretcher he winked andsmiled at me. I knew he was aware who I was. Gretchen swept in called my parents, found Joy’s purse and locked up the house. We all spent a terrifying night in the hospital, he was incoherent and restless. They were doing spinal taps andallkinds of tests to find out what had cause his seizure. Was in meningitis? Drugs? Who knows?

 

He has spent the last year and a half continuing having seizures and focal seizures. The doctors have now come to believe the day he and I were jumping on the bed he was 2 and I was 4 and he dove off headfirst and got a concussion (I told him not to, he did it anyway) was the begining of all of this. They believe he has a brain injury that is causing his seizures and consequently”the feeling” were seizures not anxiety. Medicine has come a long way, many people that were diagnose with anxiety attacks are now finding out they are seizures.

First June is Kevin’s birthday. We are all going out to dinner in Rochester to celebrate his birthday. June 2nd he will go in for brain surgery to hopefully stop these seizures once and for all. Anybody that knows me knows Gretchen andIjust spent time in a hospital for her illness. The thought of spending time in a hospital again has been really hard for me. He is expected to be there a week possibly longer, it will all depend. Gretchen was told 2-3 days and that turned into a nightmare of two weeks. I am dreaming about our time living on the 8th floor at Sloan almost every night. My grandma is feeding all of us as much as possible. My mom and dad though they would get their mind off of this by putting their house on the market and building a new one (that madness has ceased thank god). We are all in a holding pattern it feels like deja vu sort of.

I can see when he is going to have a seizure, I worry every time he pauses in a sentence. Yet, I know this surgery will be a new lease on life seizure free. As Gretchen’s surgery was to make her cancer free. It is going to be fine, it is still scary.

 

 

Jamie and his puddles

Daddy-O lost his job very early on in the school year and has been job searching ever since. Because of this he is usually the parent that picks Jamie up. Keep in mind Jamie is a 5 year old and Daddy-O is a huge man. When Daddy-O arrives we call for Jamie, the kid would spend his life outside if left to his own devises. When he comes in and sees Daddy-O he yells “Daddy-O is that you?” then goes running into his arms. This routine always puts a smile on my face everytime.

Daddy-O shared with me recently that visitaion with Jamies biological family has stopped all together. This also means the adoption is back on track. The new date s sometime in early July. Jamie still has his issues but has the consisitancy of Papa and Daddy-O everyday. He will eventually become more trusting and well adjusted.

Last weekend after leaving the farmer’s market, I spotted a father and son on bikes headed towards us. The little boy was running through every mud puddle, more than once. As they got closer I saw it was Papa and Jamie. Jamie screamed “Leah, look at me” and he drove through every puddle in the vicinity. Papa told me he makes sure to get him out on the weekends and make sure he goes through puddles and gets dirty. This too put a smile on my face.

Papa called yesterday and said he was taking Jamie for a hike rather then sending him to us. I just imagined him running through puddles and being alowed to get dirty. He is 5 years old and needs to get dirty thia is a calling that nobody can take away from him. It warms my hear that he has found a home to get dirty in…

New Baby

 

The mother’s blessing worked, baby Virgina is here. Happy, health and LATE according to mama Jen.

 

 

 

The Happy family. Jen, Thamora, big brother Aiden and Virgina Rose.

 

Welcome to the world. We will all surround you with love, we promise!

Slowing down

Slowing down and some ritual  is something I am always looking for. We do a good job of making diner, setting the table and slowing down to eat a good meal together, this is a ritual time for us.  Church is also supposed to be a place to slow down and find ritual. For me working with the high school kids, looking for service projects and developing our own curriculum, getting all the gossip from the week it’s seldom down time for me. Last Sunday morning I ditched my teenagers at church to attend a mother’s blessing for my good friend whom is expecting, well, any minute . I had never attended a mother’s blessing and I was intrigued. As we arrived tea was served and people milled about waited and chatted.

As we formed a circle  music by Sweet Honey and the Rock started and we all settled in, warm tea in hand to partake in this ceremony. We introduced ourselves, our names and then our lineage for example I am Leah, daughter of Kristie, daughter of Jessie, daughter of Josephine, daughter of Grandma Rye. In the invitation we were asked to bring  items that we feel needed to be recharged. After introducing ourselves we placed them on the alter in the middle of the circle along with seeds from everybody that they will plant later on. We shared our item, why we brought it and what it meant to us. Some people said it out loud, some to themselves. Some shared poems, thoughts or wisdom about birthing a baby and Thamora (mom to be) and Jen (other mom to be)  talked about their fertility alter, thanked the guys who donate theirsperm showed us what was items were a part of their alter and then smudged the house.

Thamora throughout her pregnancy has  been thinking about how her hair will fall out in clumps after birth and she decided she wanted to cut it and donate it before it started falling out. We all brushed her hair and then the last person to have a baby chopped it off. The ritual was then closed with the representation of the umbilical cord and how we are all interconnected. We wrapped string around our wrist each wrist connected to the next. We cut the cord and tied the string to our own wrists, we are to wear it until the baby safely arrives. One week later I am still wearing the string, the presences of it reminds me of the impending birth and I am sending energy to Thamora and the baby all the time.

We then painted cloth that they will hang like Tibetan prayer flags while we enjoyed homemade french onion soup and rubens (complete with homemade sourkraut). It was a peaceful morning in the midst of hectic lives and non-stop “stuff to do”. It forced Nola and I to slow down. We run from work, to all of our activities. Coaching softball, playing bells, committees, eating meals with friends making ,sure the dogs get enough exercise, board meetings, etc. We are usually exhausted by the end of the week.

We  decided last night to have our own quiet space. Our local bar celebrated earth hour by turning off lights, ovens, music etc. and serving drinks by candle light on Saturday night. We already had plans for Saturday night when we received the email. So, we had our own earth night last night. The dogs were walked, house was clean, to-do lists for the week written, laundry finished. Anything else would have to wait.

Dinner and the rest of the night was by candle light and fire in the fire place. No music, no computers, just us. We enjoyed dinner and sat on the couch and watched the candles dance, the fire burn and listened to the sounds in our little house. Turns out we have a busy house with 5 beings other than us bustling around. We both slowed down, talked laughed and sat in silence, it was nice. We are well rested and ready for another crazy week.