Tales of Jamie

I was sitting at my desk working on paper work for this summer, all of the sudden I see all the kids from the gym come running in with looks of concern on their faces. In the back of the line is little Jamie and right behind him were the staff that were working in the gym with the kids.

Jamie comes over to me and says “Leah, I blew up, twice!” I looked to the staff for some clarification, the were standing there with their noses plugged and I understood then that blowing up in Jamie’s world means- throwing up to the rest of us. I called daddy-0 to come get him because the rule is if you blow up you must go home, so that the rest of us don’t blow up too. When I told Jamie daddy-o was coming he said “why, I feel better now, I wanna stay and play.” I explained the rules and told him he need to get some rest.

When daddy-o came to get him he said Jamie had been sick on Saturday, but fine since then. When they went in to get him up Saturday morning he was laying in his own vomit. daddy-o and papa asked him why he didn’t come get them so they could help him clean up? He said “what do you mean clean me up? nobody has done that before.”

Daddy-o told me they get a little more sad the more the learn about Jamie’s past and hope the adoption can happen soon so they can all move forward.

Jay Kaplan

On December 24 a friend of our family’s passed away.  He was an aspiring film maker and lived with his bride of 6 months or so in L.A.

The memorial service was last month, it was so emotional I could not write about it then… He was 28 and just beginning his life, he had a brain aneurysm and passed away in the hospital. He donated many of his organs and  saved many lives with his last great gift.

I remember Jay as the younger brother of Rob, Kevin’s best friend that lived down the street from us growing up. Kevin and Rob as well as a number of neighborhood kids including Jay were in and out of our house and we were in and out of theirs. I have memories of Jay flying through, trying to keep up with Kevin and Jay. As Jay grew older he became interested in the same music I was interested in, I saw him at a few Ani shows, Bella Fleck, and others local bands that I cannot remember now. He was funny, sweet and kind.

At the memorial his wife put together interviews with people in his life in California, set up different speakers from through out his life as well as showing some of his short films and many, many pictures of him. It was funny and terribly, terribly sad. With such a well documented life, you almost expected him to walk out on stage. While his oldest brother was speaking about him on stage at the state theater, due to stress and lack of eating he passed out. Falling forward onto the podium breaking it as he fell. In the words of my mother “this is too much, just too much”. Chris was taken away by ambulance and we were later told he was bruised but fine. There was panic, crying and lots of praying. The whole memorial service was really hard and done with such love and affection for him.  I was seeing images for weeks afterwards.

I have been milling Jay around in my mind since December and my is wish for everybody to know Jay at least a little bit. His wife has put together a website and a foundation in his honor. It shows pictures of  Jay, some of his work and talks about the foundation.

http://jamesjosephkaplan.com

 

check back soon for the updates that are being added. The website is a good way for people to get to know Jay a little bit. The memorial service ended with a video of Jay singing “forever young” by Neil Young. With a tears in my eyes I left the theater singing this song and thinking of Jay.

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

Jamie Maverick Beige

 Jamie Maverick Beige (names have been changed, except his middle name) is a 5 year old in my program. He is being adopted by Daddy-O and Papa in June. Daddy-O is a very tall, round guy that looks like a lumber jack, Papa is a tiny hipster guy and Jamie is their son. Jamie comes to us from a behavioral program during the day. The little guy can’t keep his hands off of people, he runs, swears, spits, pulls things out of people’s hands, you name it he does it. He does well with us though, and he and I have a special bond. I spend one-on-one time with him, he is developmentally around 3 years old. He likes to play in the sink with the water, until he splashes it all over the room and I have to put and end to it. He likes to feed the chinchilla, although he is a little afraid of her. He helps me sweep, until he starts sweeping up other kids. He is a handful, but I have seen him come millions of miles since he started with us. He usually has home visits on Thursdays. His mom may show up, my be a grandparent, random cousin or nobody at all.

Daddy-O and Papa are fighting to have these visits stop all together, they are not opposed to him seeing his family, but the consistency is not there. Jamie trusts very few people, but he really trusts Daddy-O and Papa, when he gets hurt he cries for them, when he is super excited he wants to call them. To see the bond they have formed is amazing, sweet and refreshing. This little boy has found a place in my heart too and I am rooting for him and his family to make it. The adoption has been put off a few times for various reasons, this upsets Jamie. He needs the consistency and the knowledge that Papa and Daddy-O are his forever and they will not be taken away.

Yesterday, there was a major hiccup in home visits and the adoption process.  Jamie has decided to take Daddy-O’s last name and had started practicing writing it, the adoption date was on the horizon, they were all going to buy new suits and have a party. They are also talking about changing his middle name, Maverick does not work for them. Then the rug was pulled out, everything was put off until June and his home visits simultaneously were changed to everyother Thursday. All of this was too much for 5 year old Jamie. He was out of control and violent, spitting, headbutting, swearing. I had to call Daddy-O to come get him. My heart was broken, so was his. He cried Leeeeaaaaah, please let me stay, while he was sobbing away. As hard as it was, I believe he needs consistency and if he breaks the rules he goes home (that is a rule for everyone). He cried as he left and apologized over and over, I was in turmoil the rest of the day about it. He has so much going on, it’s no wonder he was lashing out. I felt it was the best decision for him, I still care about him and will be happy to see him today and give him a hug like I always do. But, he needs to follow the rules there are consequences for his behavior.

I dreamed about him all night. At least I know he had Daddy-O and Papa to talk about it with. And I have my Nola, one of her first questions when we see each other at the end of the day is “how is Jamie?”

I worked with overly ovulating cows

 When I met Nola she informed me that she went to church on Sunday morning. I informed her that I hiked with Violet, cleaned and did laundry on Sunday’s, we could meet for dinner or later in the week, she could enjoy church and I would enjoy my Sunday. A few months later she told me that there is a diner’s club that was part of her church and asked if I would I participate with her. It’s a dinner once a month that rotates who hosts and everybody brings a dish to pass, I very hesitantly agreed, with the understanding that I would not continue if I did not like it. Almost three years later I look forward to every dinner, we have made wonderful friends in this club and I can not imagine our life with out it.

We are usually the youngest participants by generations, most of the people are our parents age at least, many our grandparents age. Last night we had our February meal at our house with one of our favorite couples, Don and Betty. They arrived with the “befores” this included Don’s “famous tomato juice” as Betty sweetly told us and little handmade cups to drink it out of. Betty and Don are in their 80’s and have become a big part of our lives and we enjoy every minute we spend with them, they were even at our wedding. Brigit was our other guest (her husband Per travels for work and was out of town). The conversation at these dinners is usually politics, current events and matter of our lives (to use a Unitarianism).

Conversation last night started almost immediately with the recently bornoctuplets.  Birgit felt it was a gross wrong doing of the doctors, I shared that all 14 kids were IVF babies. I needed to explain to Don what IVF was. We chatted and about breastfeeding, how to care for all of them etc. Birgit all the sudden burst out with “I once worked with over ovulating cows”.  There was a pregnant pause in the room to see what she was going to say next ” Cows (I may be getting the types of cows wrong, please forgive me) can only have one calf a year.” “ We were over ovulating these cows and transplanting embryos of Jersey cows in Holsteins.” “One cow had 9 calf’s that year with eight different surrogant mothers” You could still hear a pin drop, we were waiting to see where the story  was going. “We learned very quickly what a mess this was Jersey cows are bigger than Holsteins and the babies had to be surgically removed.” “This became a very expensive mistake that we learned from quickly.” ” that was many, many years ago, these doctors are negligent for implanting 8 human embryos!, medicine and technology have come too far for this to happen.” The room the bursts into laughter, we had all concentrated on the first sentence and didn’t hear much of the rest of what she said. Betty said “Boy, you just never know what your going to get at diner’s club.”

Conversation then moved to gardening as we sipped Don’s famous tomato juice and then as  quickly as it turned to gardening (as it always does when you talk about gardening in Ithaca) the deer problem in Ithaca. Betty very sweetly said “Don tell them about the woman that gave you the real answer to the deer problem.”  Don then goes on to tell us about this woman that was 991/2 years old that he would drive to her appointments when he drove for gadabout. (www.gadabout.coma service in Ithaca run and driven by volunteers to help people stay independently) They talked quiet a bit on their rides and she told him all about her tulips and flower beds. One day he asked for a tour, the next day he arrived and they walked through her property and she showed him all the flowers. Don asked her  ”How come these are not eaten by the deer? There are no fences or anything” ” She said “oh, that’s easy!” “I don’t tell just anybody this I’m not sure how they will take it, but I will let you in on my little secret.” “yes..” said  Don. “I collect my urine and spread it around my property each morning.” We all giggled and laughed and decided we should have a party in the spring and have people save their urine for our gardens and invite them to urinate in our back yards.

The evening went on with more laughing, great food and amazing stories from before we were born. These dinners are such a rich experience, that has enhanced our lives and relationship and I am so thrilled to have been invited into this amazing little club.

Ever had one of those days?

This happened a while ago and was the catalyst for figuring out my password, the details are now a little blurry, but the ending makes it worth writing anyway….

I woke up in the morning and hit my head on the wall and everything that could go wrong that morning did. Spilled the  coffee, cat threw up,  dog took of after deer bones on walk to return MUCH later. Let’s move on to work. I found out one of my students (my favorite, I know we are not supposed to have favorites but he was) was moving to TEXAS. WHAT? Texas?  He just warmed up here, he is just now thriving, talking, interacting. What do you mean he is moving? He is such a little guy and Texas is so big, NO!

Another on going issue is that my program has to move this summer due to construction ( I already knew this). I have put in a million phone calls trying to figure out where we will go. I received three calls, none of them good news about our move. My staff was also arguing amongst themselves other therefore nothing was getting done. When I confronted the issue it was one story after the next about how such and such had wronged them. I had to take a walk, get away, I was boiling.

I made a decision to run when I got home, to deal with all of this emotion in a healthy way. I gear up, get Violet ready and hit my stride earlier than normal, I was feeling good. Ahead I saw a woman with a dog and a blinking light around her coat (that was all I could see). I approach, tell her I am behind her, pull Violet out in the road to pass, pick up my pace a bit and then glide back to the side of the road. Wow, I am feeling better, things are   to be okay. Then I hear it. “YOU SHOULD RUN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FINGROAD”. “IF YOU SEE A LADY WITH THREE DOGS YOU SHOULD GO TO THE OTHER SIDE BITCH!” I keep running and then it dawns on me she is talking to ME. I turn around and say “are you talking to me?” She starts screamingagain ( I can’t remember what was said). I calmly tell her that I did not see she had three dogs and that she does not need to yell at me. I then return my focus to runing, my mind says. Run on the other side of that road that would be dangerous, it’s not may fault she can’t control her three dogs, and so on. She then yells at me some more. Then my mouth opens up and the words fly out before I know it has happend. I yell back, are you ready, I scream at the top of my lungs to her “GET A LIFE LADY”.

Get a life lady? Did I really just say that? Really, get a life lady? I have had a really bad day and I scream “get a life lady”. Hu, that is a weird thing to say, no profanities, not name calling  just ”get a life”  Boy, it felt really good to yell though.

At the end of the day I returned to my wife, cats and dogs, replayed the whole day to them. We laughed at my response, carried on with our night and carried on with our life…

0 or o

I have many passwords in my life, I always think I am going to remember which is for which account so I don’t write any of them down. Your not supposed to write down passwords anyway right? They might fall into the hands of a criminal or some kid that that will mess with all your stuff.

 

Well, I couldn’t for the life of me remember my password for wordpress, I tried and tried. I eventually I asked for a new one where they include capital letters, numbers, etc. I received my new password and was ready to blog. Wait, is that and 0 or o? these are actually a zero and an o, and l or 1 (they actually look different here)  I spent close to an hour trying to figure it out what was what. Eventually,  I wanted to throw the computer out the window. So,I put it all down and went on with life… I finally figured out the 0 and 0 and so I am back…

Teenagers and Politics

I work with an amazing group of teenagers as a one of the hats I wear (this is the group I took to D.C). The group is a service oriented group and we had Don Barber www.donbarberforsenate.com (a local politician running for senate) come speak to the group and tell us a bit about his platform so that the group could decide if as one of our service project we wanted to help his campaign. Don graced us with his presence this evening along with one of him campaign workers. He was totallu real and spoke directly to the kids about his ideas and beliefs, the history of the NYS senate and how electing another democrate this year  would swing things in the senate. The kids became completely engaged and decied they would paper for Don this Sunday and the other youth advisor and I will take them to do some other work for the campagin in the days leading up to the election.

The Human Rights Campaign as well as the empire state pride agenda have endorsed Don. The HRC has an internship for college age students to work on chosen campaigns in the U.S. that they  believe are worthy of endorsing and helping. The intern from the HRC also came to speak to the group, she is from North Carolina and spending the campaign season in upstate New York. Many of the kids in the room had never heard of the HRC (I told them they were the blue bumper sticker with a yellow equal sign, they said “oh, I was wondering what that was for) or the Empires State Pride agenda, I told the group I would email them some info when I got home. Within minutes of sending the email many of them learned about national coming out day is coming soon. They wanted to know how we could help with the local celebration and if I would take them to some of the talks going on around town.

Can you imagine if all teenagers not even old enough to vote were this involved in social justice and politics what a difference this would make in our country?

Maxie laughing

my day

7:25am, NOLA shows up at the bedroom door and stomps her foot, “I missed the bus, he drove right by me, I waved and yelled, he just drove right by” Usually, when I wake up in the morning (usually after Nola has long ago caught the bus for work) I get a cup of coffee and enjoy the silence and love the feeling of the first sip going all the way down to my tummy. Nola on the other hand wakes up and talks non-stop. I threw on a ball cap with my pajamas and drove her into to work, she talked, talked and talked, I could not tell you one word she said.   I gotback home a little more pressed for time and pour my coffee and start the water boiling for oatmeal. As I am getting things ready I was day dreaming about the first sip with my legs curled up on the couch. I discovered there is no milk in the fridge,  search around for some sort of alternative, on the fridge door I found a can of whipped cream, perfect. I squirted it in sit down to sip my coffee and find chunks in the whipped cream. I decided to just pour lots of sugar in black coffee and down it while in the shower.

At work I have started changing the way we feed the kids, making slowly makeing more nutritious choices. I have cut out the juice from a can and replaced it with water and I am serving lots of fruit and vegetables instead of graham crackers with frosting in the middle and mac andcheese with ketchup on it. Today, on my menu was dried fruit with vanilla yogurt on the top, apples and water. The bookkeeper that has been there for 20 years decides to come in (clearly fed up) and screamed at me for serving water. When I say screamed I mean she SCREAMED. Then she me asked how long I planned on feeding the kids nuts and berries. I was a little shocked. I have a staff that is mostly my parents age a have been at this program for 20 years or more, it has been a learning process for me to “be the boss”. I am fine with my younger staff and  the kids in the program asking people my mothers age to serve the snack or clean up tables has been a little difficult. It has been a learning curve that has had hiccups here and there.

I have also gotten more andmore special ed kids in my program and expaneded to 70 kids, the teacher trusts me and has sent more of her students to me. With this comes more out of the ordinary situations to deal with. During snack time the kids are expected to stop what they are doing take a break, sit and eat.  They have been shoving food and drink down their throats and running back to their activities. I explained today to the whole room that snack time is break time, they must sit and eat and rest for at least 10 minutes. Little Donnie says “excuse me!!!”. I remind him not to interrupt, he then screams “but I have poopy in my under ware!”. I sent him to the bathroom and told the rest of the room to eat snack…

Later, I was coloring with a little girl who has been in the country for two weeks, trying to make her feel comfortable and see how much english she knows. While sitting with her I over heard a conversation between two kids. Kid #1 (boy with autism): “lets color thes batman pages” Kid #2 (boy labeled with emotional disabilities) “ok, hey Ben, do you think I’m cute?” Long pause, kid #1: “NO!!!!” Kid #2 falls into a pile on the floor crying. I  was trying to console crying kid and explain to the other kid why this was a hurtful way to respond. In the middle of this conversation a 2nd grade girl comes to me a whispers “Leah, I accidentally peed my pants”. I sent  her off to the bathroom gather my rubber gloves and wipes again and wonder why we have two bathroom accidents in one day.

About an hour later a 5th grade boy comes to me a whispers ” I think he needs help in the bathroom.” I ask him who? what is going on?: Boy turns red, then redder, then evn redder, I tell him I will deal with it and thank you for telling me. I  headed of to the boys bathroom and discover boy number 2 (from earlier) pants on the floor, under ware full of poop and the biggest poop I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. I asked him what was going on he says “I WENT POTTY!!!!!” and he was dancing around… Glove, wipes and change of clothes, three times in one day, I started day dreaming about after work.

Earlier this week I picked up part of my outfit for the wedding. It was NOT what I asked for and made me very upset. Our plans after work were to figure out what plan B is for my outfit. We found the PERFECT solution that I am thrilled beyond belief with. After shopping we ate a nice little dinner and went home. Nola walks in the kitchen picks up the whipped cream can and says “where did we get this? I didn’t know we had whipped cream in a can….”

Will the real cutie please stand up

Cassidy, one of our cats has been an indoor/outdoor kitty this summer. Last night Nola went out side to get Cassidy back in the house. Cassidy was at the top of the drive way hidden from view by anybody on the road. Nola saw Cassidy and said “Hi cutie!”. Just as she said this a man was walking down the road in front of the house, he looked up at Nola, smiled and waved